I have started doing that thing
Again.
Most days
I end up somewhere on the shore
With the sound of waves
And the company of gulls
To soothe me.
Sometimes
I find myself at the dog park
Looking on as
Such unlikely kin
Communicate their love for each other
Through a tennis ball.
Then there are times
I drive aimlessly for hours
Too restless or
Anxious or
Afraid
To stop.
The first time
We spoke about it
You told me this is a normal
Healthy activity.
You said everyone needs time
And space
To think.
I am hoping
You can explain it to me
Again.
Because I keep repeating
To myself
That it is not unusual
To turn onto my street
To drive up to my doorstep
And then accelerate away.
I keep reminding myself
That feeling panicked
At the thought
Of entering my own
Empty, quiet home
Is conventional emotion.
But maybe
I am not remembering
The words correctly
Or maybe
I have the pieces
Out of order.
And I am starting to lose faith.
I can feel it hemorrhaging
From my fingertips.
I have been wincing
for weeks.
I need
Your Ace bandage tongue
To wrap everything into place.
I need
To replay your assurances
Until the words have no meaning.
I need
You to say
That this is normal.
Again.
Most days
I end up somewhere on the shore
With the sound of waves
And the company of gulls
To soothe me.
Sometimes
I find myself at the dog park
Looking on as
Such unlikely kin
Communicate their love for each other
Through a tennis ball.
Then there are times
I drive aimlessly for hours
Too restless or
Anxious or
Afraid
To stop.
The first time
We spoke about it
You told me this is a normal
Healthy activity.
You said everyone needs time
And space
To think.
I am hoping
You can explain it to me
Again.
Because I keep repeating
To myself
That it is not unusual
To turn onto my street
To drive up to my doorstep
And then accelerate away.
I keep reminding myself
That feeling panicked
At the thought
Of entering my own
Empty, quiet home
Is conventional emotion.
But maybe
I am not remembering
The words correctly
Or maybe
I have the pieces
Out of order.
And I am starting to lose faith.
I can feel it hemorrhaging
From my fingertips.
I have been wincing
for weeks.
I need
Your Ace bandage tongue
To wrap everything into place.
I need
To replay your assurances
Until the words have no meaning.
I need
You to say
That this is normal.